As with any new year, people usually look for a fresh start to getting their acts together, whether it’s losing weight or making sure all the beer is consumed before the bottles hit the recycling bin. We here at TCBG have decided to get into the spirit and help our fellow Lions devotees with some excellent suggestions for their own New Year’s Resolutions. Your mileage may vary!
1. Recognize that PRO Referees are doing their best
Hey man, reffing is a hard job and it takes a lot of effort to make yourselves the center of attention because we all know that everyone paid good hard cash to watch these prancing narcissists roaming the field for 90+ minutes. We just need to recognize that this isn’t about making the beautiful game transpire on a level playing field. These poor guys never had the opportunity to enter pageants as children, so this is their dream and we need to be supportive!
2. Understand that Flavio is not Darth Vader
It’s time to come to grips with the fact that the majority owner of Orlando City is not a Sith Lord from Brazil attempting to transform the Lions into the greatest Brazilian farm team the galaxy has ever seen, er, something like that. No, FADS, have some have taken to affectionately refer to him is a successful businessman who has paid the MLS expansion fee, built a stadium and signed a worldwide super star all for our scrappy team founded by a few English gents. Now if we don’t make the playoffs this year, we will happily retreat to a forest moon with all of you.
3. Make certain to show up for OCB vs Tampa Bay Rowdies games
Those dirty mucus covered sons o’ biscuits are now going to be a regular presence in our Awesome New Stadium! They slinked out of the NASL and starting this spring they will be in the USL playing OCB who have moved there permanently. This aggression shall not stand. So be sure to make your presence known on the unfortunate occasions that we have to tolerate looking at them on the field because nothing will be sweeter than watching our boys extending our 7-0 record against them. You know you want to.
4. Throw copious amounts of shade at AC Atlanta FC Inter United Atletico City
The new NYCFCYCNCYFNCCFYCNFCCYFNFCY is now AC Atlanta FC Inter United Atletico City because they had to go and pick the dumbest name they could possibly imagine for the new MLS franchise in Atlanta. Additionally, they play in an NFL stadium on artificial turf. Fake Club is Fake Club and it doesn’t matter who they sign or who used to play for Orlando City. We must bring it hard and heavy on Twitter and Facebook to properly welcome these charlatans to top flight soccer in the South.
5. Vote for Joe Bendik for SOTW way more often
It’s unacceptable that Joe Bendik, (Bendik is an anagram for brick wall) only won Save of the Week 8 times last season. That number needs to be 32. Are you Lions fans out there soft? Get to clicking that vote button EVERY WEEK. That man is an absolute hero after dealing with Episode 1 The Phantom Defense all year long! Let’s do him a solid and address this oversight during the upcoming season and make certain that Bendik is undefeated the entire year!