10 things that we are saltier than because of DC United

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Salty. We’ve been left very salty after playing DC United twice and watching them sashay away with 3 points both times. We are better than the Black and Reds. We have outplayed them both times and on each occasion, fate has risen up to slap us in the face like we were 16 year old boys getting fresh in a nunnery.

As a preview of the upcoming fracas at the Citrus, the 3rd and final regular season match between the Lions and the Denizens of the District, we have compiled a list of 10 things that are super salty and why we are saltier than they are.

1. Saltine Crackers
What’s a little salinity compared to DC sitting atop the standings with 6 of our points?

2. Al Gore in 2000
Got a presidency stolen?
How about having Collin go out after dominating the backline?

3. The Great Salt Lake
Biggest salt lake in the world? Try second place between teams in the Southeast.

4. England’s 1986 Men’s Football Team
Hand of God? Try foot of Silva.

5. The Bonneville Salt Flats
Nothing but salt flats for miles? Try being flattend by a substitute named Rolfe.

6. Capulets and Montagues
Bitter dispute? Nothing like our love for Official Chris Penso.

7. The Dead Sea
Saltier than the ocean? Not saltier than Orlando City at the 90th minute plus 1.

8. Captain Ahab
Whale took your leg? DC took our 2nd place in the standings.

9. Don Juan Pond
The saltiest body of water on Earth? Not saltier than us walking out of the Citrus Bowl on April 3rd.

10. R Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket
This famous drill sargent would have turned purple if he heard the kind of language that came out of our mouths on May 13th.

So that’s it. We’re ready to show these guys who the better team is. Have other salty suggestions? Comment below!